Part 1: Deciding to Go on a Mission

Remember that day? General Conference 2012, when President Monson stood up and made this announcement:

I don't think ANYONE who heard this will ever be able to forget that day! 

I can remember how it made me feel. You know that feeling when you bite your cheek really hard on accident and everything seems to go in slow motion for a minute, your ears ring, all noise around you kind of fades into the background, I didn't hear one talk during that session, that was what happened to me. 

I WAS 19 YEARS OLD. I could go have gone a mission right then if I wanted to. My world literally got rocked by this announcement, hence the Facebook status I posted in between sessions:

It really did. Suddenly, my only current major options in life weren't to just "go to school and find a hot  husband" but in that moment my life choices became, "go to school, find a hot husband, serve a mission". I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I knew it was something I needed to pray about, but I was scared of the answer I might get.

In between conference, the kid I was dating at the time called me on the phone (while I was bawling in my room, overwhelmed by the announcement) to BEG me not to go. I told him it was something I had to pray about and from what it sounded like he threw his phone across the room, onto something soft I hope, and I could hear him saying "nooooooooooooooooooo". Needless to say, this relationship didn't work out.

After my emotions chilled out a bit, I was able to somewhat get back to feeling normal. I was not planning on going on a mission, at least my stubborn self at the time wanted to believe that. This email shared between me and my BFF Maddy who was in China at the time, showed how I was feeling about the whole thing.

I also knew that there was a high chance of my very best friend getting married, I wanted to be present in one of the best moments of her life. That was important to me. But I knew, deep down, I was supposed to serve a mission. This is when in my head I made the goal of "after Maddy's wedding" (which could have meant summer, but potentially not) if I were to serve. This decision was made almost subconsciously October 2012.

To be continued...........
Read Part 2, here.

Choosing to Serve a Mission

This post may come as a surprise to many, it definitely came as a surprise to me. I never planned to serve a mission, in fact, I never really had a great desire to. I always viewed it as something honorable to do but never felt it was specifically for me.

REASONS WHY A MISSION WAS NOT FOR ME (so I thought):

1. I should be married before the time comes that I'm 21. (This was a real thought and this was before the announcement was made where girls could leave at 19). Embarrassing confession, but true. I'm abnormally domestic and enjoy that sort of thing. This made me think that I would find a husband while I was still a baby. I'm grateful now though that I haven't entered that part of my life just yet. 

2. I don't know the gospel enough. I literally feel extremely inadequate when it comes to spouting scripture stories, remembering the characters names, what book of scripture all that is in...I remember concepts but am horrible at the details. 

3. Life is good right now--it literally is. I'm successful at where I am at, gaining valuable experience that will no doubt help me in life. I just accepted a position at the university which will look awesome on a resume, been working at the same place for 2 years. I finally am happy with where my education is going and am THRIVING off my classes. I would only have one year left of school and I'd be done.

4. I would miss my family way too much. I find myself missing my nephews horribly when it's been less than a week that I saw them. A year & a half would kill me. (which, still will be true)

5. All of my friends would likely get married when I was gone and that would be sad to miss.

6. I can be a missionary at home--I felt that if I were able to work my hardest to be a missionary where I was at that those little nudges would go away telling me that I needed to go on a mission. (let me just throw it out there that I bought myself a preach my gospel manual last spring and had been studying it, was keeping pass along cards in my bag just in case I came across someone who needed one...I had all the materials but I continued to fail at being the "missionary at home" I had convinced myself to be.)

7. I didn't want to be like everyone else. The worst excuse of them all. I feared that I was just jumping on the band-wagon and was feeling like I should go just because every other girl was going.

Those are just a few excuses I convinced myself to believe the past year. I kept clinging to relationships with guys I knew really weren't going anywhere at the time just because I wanted a reason to stay home. While I cared sincerely about the guys I have dated I can admit that my heart wasn't all there & while I couldn't figure out why at the time (more like, I was choosing to ignore the reasoning), I understand clearly now.

IT IS ESSENTIAL FOR ME TO GO ON A MISSION.

Wow. The thought scares me to death. But at the same time brings me peace and clarity I have lacked for over a year. Reading my scriptures, every chapter tells me the same thing, "serve a mission." I got to the point where reading my scriptures was almost a chore because I wasn't willing to do what they were asking. & I can tell you right now, that in and of itself brings unhappiness. But here I am. With a broken heart & a contrite spirit. Humbled. Terrified. Exhilarated. But not angry or bitter. Filled with peace and an understanding of purpose.

So why is a mission for me? While I don't understand the full scope of all the reasons I do know one thing:

The Atonement is real. It saves souls. It brings happiness.

I am a wonderful example of someone who lost herself for sometime and was saved by the redeeming power of the Atonement. The Atonement has taught me that happiness truly exists, despite the sorrows that have and will continue to enter into my life. God truly loves me, even at the times I have felt unworthy of it. I've learned that feelings of loneliness disappear when I allow Jesus Christ to be a part of my life. I've learned that I am able to overcome my weaknesses and accomplish great things when I trust in the Lord. I've also learned that God respects our agency perfectly, even when we choose not to do the right thing. These are all concepts that have blessed my life and continue to strengthen my testimony. Knowing what I know, I cannot help myself from wanting to share it with others in hopes that it will enhance their lives as well.

Papers have been started, it's all becoming a reality. My availability date is currently being determined but could be as early as February 2014. I will currently use this blog to share my experiences in preparing for my mission, which will include experiences I've had that have led to my decision to serve. Eventually this whole blog will turn into my mission blog where my family will be posting my emails and all that jazz! Shout out to all you wonderful people who have helped me get here.

xoxo, meg.